Am I doing your head in?

Has the whole 30 days of ‘gifts’ been too much? I know it’s a lot. I thought it was a good idea at the beginning, but I can see now that a message from me every day for a month might be a bit over the top.

(just think how my poor husband feels.)

I will keep this brief.

How is it for you?

 Have you given up opening emails, feeling like you are being stalked by an annoyingly cheery middle-aged woman? (a quick glance at the rest of the blog will assure you that this is not my natural state, but I can see how all this winter cheer might piss you off.)

It occurs to me that if you’ve stopped opening the 30 days of Giving emails then you are probably not reading this so I can happily sing Christmas Show Tunes and sprinkle glitter in your cornflakes, and you’d be none the wiser.

It has been going well, apart from the spamming you with Joy. Gifts have been made and given out. Marmalade has been shared, and postcards have been sent.

There have been days when the whole finding someone to give to has been more of a chore than it should have been. But there have been moments of such pleasure.

Hugging one of the older ladies I volunteer with after an afternoon visit spent massaging her hands, the look on her face was all serene.

‘You’ve a bosom for hugging, you have,’ she giggled, suddenly flush with the giddiness of our visit.

Some days I get more than I give.

‘Can I just say, I love your outfit,’ I shyly sidle up to a stranger in a cute pink tweed jacket, black jeans and shocking pink trainers.  Well into her 60s she looked fierce, and it would have been a crime not to say so. She beamed back at me as I wheeled away, a little spring in her step, as I tried to reassure myself that I was not a nutter.

I still want to take some cake to the family over the road, but I feel shy.  I don’t really know them, and I know I’ll look like an idiot standing on their doorstep, asking that they bring back the tin when they’re finished.

When did being kind become so hard?

Were we always like this?

Is 30 Days of Giving just too weird?

I’m holding my nerve, it is always like this mid-way. I need to steel myself and aggressively give people gifts even if they don’t want them.

I have a plan and a list, and nothing gets in the way of a list.

So, more emails for you! More postcards! More cake! I’m making bread today – if you popped round I could gift you a loaf and then I wouldn’t have to find a stranger to share bread with.

We’re over halfway into the darkness. Soon the light will return, and until it does I will brighten your day with my words.

(okay even I puked a little at that last line – just take the cake already and we can both get on with our day!)

Happy Holidays!