The M.E fairy is not happy.
If you’ve never met her, she is small and green and thinks she is the boss of me. In reality she is the boss of me, but we don’t need to tell her that.
She likes lying down.
That’s pretty much it. She likes lying down which means that I have to lie down too. There is a lot that she doesn’t like.
She doesn’t like; (in no particular order)
Noise of any kind
Light
Reading
Standing
Sitting
Parties
Chatting to people
Loud music (I know I mentioned the noise but there is more)
Background music
Shit music
Stress
Getting a cold
Anything that uses my eyes
Anything that uses my brain
Exercise – in particular, anything that involves a raised heartbeat
Walking -see above
Sitting in the wheelchair – also see above
To be honest, the list is pretty endless.
And it changes.
Some weeks, I can manage more if I palm her off with a bit of extra meditation. Other weeks, I am at her whim, managing one thing in the morning that then becomes impossible for days.
She is not easy to live with.
To be fair, neither am I.
It is hard to have your life controlled and dictated by a small green fairy. (She is not green, she wears a lot of green and has green wings. Think middle-aged, plus-size fairy with a mean streak. (definitely not like the Dawn French’s Christmas fairy off the adverts, who the M.E fairy despises for reasons unknown. (Who in their right mind could have anything against national treasure Dawn French??? This just shows how mean the M.E fairy can be.))
I’ve tried ignoring her. (The M.E fairy, not Dawn French. I have never met Dawn French.) I’ve spent years arguing with her (again, not Dawn French), then negotiating, then ignoring again, then raging and crying that it wasn’t fair. I have tried giving in to her and doing exactly what she wants, but then I get bored, or tired or go crazy and go to the library. Then she sulks, and we’re back to more rest. More silence. More not going out.
I try to remember that she has my best interests at heart, even if those interests conveniently coincide with what she needs and not what I want. I try to think of her as a friend, the kind that tells you that you look like shite and need to take it easy and maybe pamper yourself with some paracetamol and a herbal tea. The kind that tells you to buy all the books (but then doesn’t let you read them, because you know, using your eyes.)
I really do try to remember that she is not an evil overlord bent on my very destruction unless I submit to her every whim and just lie the fuck down.
I am just too tired and unwell to try today.
So why am I whinging on about the bloody M.E?
Well, I’m not sure if you have heard, but I have a book coming out. (mythical forces have already sent advance copies out into the world, but the book is actually not released until 26th February. Order from wherever you get ya books.)
With a book coming out into the world, there are book events.
I’m giving a reading at the library (details to follow), and then there’s a book launch at the Oreil Davis Art gallery (see below)
Then there are exciting bookshop talks with fabulous bookshop folk. There will be book clubs, and the thing I’m not sure if I’m allowed to mention. (Thank you, Glastonbury, you’ve been amazing)
All of these are a chance to perform my work and talk to others who may feel the same about the world as I do. (or don’t, and we can talk about that too.)
It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience. My first book. My first book tour. There are places to be and readers to read to. And I don’t want to let anyone down.
But there is also the M.E fairy.
Who doesn’t like chatting. Or sitting. Or people. Or lights. Or noise.
Or it seems, even thinking about any of the above.
So, I’m lying down.
In the dark.
And the silence.
Thinking of you.
(ok that was weird.)
But I’m tired, and the M.E fairy says I’ve had enough.
So, if the M.E fairy says it’s OK, I will be doing a Q and A and book signing (and a chance to buy the book).
Newtown Library,
Thursday 26th February, 10.30 am
(Dawn French will not be there as far as I know)
On the 27th February, I will be in conversation with the fabulous Jupiter Jones at the Oriel Davis Gallery, Newtown.
Doors open at 6 pm
Tickets are free, but you will need to book as they are running out of seats!
https://orieldavies.org/whats-on/lates-hwyrnos
I will see you then.
And if you see the M.E fairy, tell her you didn’t see me. xxx
Bordering Grey 