When was it that we were convinced that pants and vests weren’t cool? We wore them as kids, comfy pants with days of the week on them – a nightmare for neurodiverse kids, unable to cope with the incongruity of Wednesday’s pants on a Friday, even if they are the only clean pair.

So, when was it that comfy pants fell out of cool?

In our shift from girls to young women we are told to be more flirty, sexier, more daring, and apparently, nothing says sexless than comfy pants. So, in a bid to join the grownups, our pants get smaller and more uncomfortable.

Nothing makes us grumpier than uncomfortable pants. Okay yes there is war and climate crisis and the whole heating/fuel dilemma (that we now have such a shorthand for something, only a few years ago seemed unimaginable!) I concede some things can cause us more distress but on a deeply personal level spending a day in uncomfortable pants is hard to beat.

There are the ones that give you a wedgy every time you walk, causing you to pause behind a tree trying to fish them down only to be observed by two old men sitting on a bench – that happens to everyone, right?

Or the ones that won’t stay put, slipping from the hips and leaving you feeling slightly exposed. The ones that pinch in the crease of the thigh, or feel like cheese wire, threatening to slice you in two or the ones that looked sexy but chafe with every step.

And for years we endure these. As young women, we skimp on our pants, tiny triangles of uncomfortableness.

By baby number three I was sick of this shit. By baby number four, with more tummy to squeeze in, I had abandoned all pretence.

I like big pants.

Big pants are comfortable.

Big pants hold me up, big pants hold me in.

We’re not talking about squeeze-‘em-in pants. You know the ones so tight, designed to smooth out all your bulges, that they squash all of your squishy bits under your armpits or down the back of your knees. The ones you need another friendly person to ease you out of them, leaving you lying, panting on the bed – about as far from amorous as you can get, as your internal organs shift back into place.

No, I’m talking about proper M&S up-to-the-waist-full-brief-pants. The kind that make you feel secure. The kind you can get on with your day without thinking about your bloody knickers. Dependable yes, comfortable, absolutely. Sexy? Well, that depends on you.

I am a recent convert to vests and all I can say is why did I wait so long? A nice vest, underneath a dress, or shirt keeps you so much warmer. And your gran was right – how often do I say this – but tucking your vest into your pants does keep you nice and toasty. I’ve become obsessed with vests. Comfy to wear during the day, with a little lace trim to make them feel flirty. Lovely to sleep in when night sweats make pjs too hot and sticky.

All this is not to say that I want to give up the sex appeal, sat here typing in my vest and pants. But there is nothing as sexy as a woman confident in her own skin. Regardless of size or thighs or dimpled flesh, nothing is as hot as a woman who is comfortable.

So, pass me my Sunday pants and vest, even on a Tuesday, because I’m coming out and it’s gonna get steamy.